I’ve always wished I was a pretty crier. You know, the kind of person who only has a few tears gliding down her cheeks, like Cameron Diaz in the backseat of the taxi in The Holiday.
But nope. That’s not me.
When I cry, my upper lip quivers, snot flows, my face gets blotchy, and my double chin activates. Let’s not even talk about my eyes. It’s awkward—especially when it happens in the produce aisle right next to the kale.
And this weekend? I cried my way up and down the state of Oregon. Ugly cried. Sunglasses and my new Ducks hat became my whole personality.
Obviously, I’m a little untethered right now. The in-house portion of our parenting journey has concluded and the people who used to keep me rooted in daily life—with tasks, purpose, and built-in laughter—are off chasing their own big adventures. I’m so excited for them, I swear on their ability to do laundry. But it also feels like I’ve been fired from a job I really loved.
Unfiltered joy was cooked into every moment of my last twenty-six years. Yes, along with disbelief and plenty of WTFs. (I mean we had a family rule that if your hands smelled like clams, you had to wash them. Rules like that were normal in our everyday life.)
Now I’m left redefining my daily joys and figuring out who I am in this open nest, in-between space. I know I’ll settle in. I always do. Especially with the one thing that’s always moored me…my words. Writing is my beacon. My lighthouse. The way I process.
I’ll meet this new era with the energy it deserves, just not today. So, bear with me if you spot me breaking down in the snack aisle because there are no more lunches to be packed. I’m catching my breath before the next chapter begins.
xoxo,
julie
Buy a book from an ugly crier? You know you want to! It would make me smile!
Co-authored as Liz Fields and Jess Lynne
It's rough. I'm on Family V2 and that has helped, but still, I remember when the youngest from Family V1 went off on their own. I was lucky though, shestayed local and I had a standing weekly date with her for a long time.
Now with Fam V2, the clock is reset. But I just helped the oldest settle in at UW. And the youngest is Sakai. Weird to think we'll never go to Blakely again. Not for events or meetings or drop offs or anything. Still, grateful for what I have.
Virtual hugs. Don't forget your hubs is probably having feelings too right now. Support each other.